Learning from experience

"I am fairly weak at learning from past experience."

That was what I thought until I realized there are two ways of learning from experience. When I referred to the term, I always meant standing up and rebuilding myself from disasters or mishaps. I didn't know there was a different way to do so.

This is really silly for me here to tell you about something centuries old. If anything, I should be ashamed when telling you about this discovery of mine. It is because it is so obvious to everyone, including the blind, except me.

So I do not take pride in telling you something completely non-newsworthy. I am just showcasing to you part of my life. Call it venting if you will, though it is always the insignificant things that help me learn most.

Sorry that I kept you waiting. No, I didn't improve on learning from past experience. Just like I have not been good at drawing ever, drawing is not the whole world in itself. Maybe I am better at singing. Maybe I am better at acting. What was ignorant in me was my limited definition of the worlds or domains of matters, especially the term "learning from past experience" in this case. Something from last night changed my view on this completely.

I was watching a cartoon to help keep my mind relaxed when surrounded by household chores and various deadlines from work and personal life. I have to admit that I am pretty defenseless towards nice Japanese animation and comics. I was attracted, like the male character in the cartoon, to his highschool sweetheart girlfriend. He thought pretty low about himself, much like I do. He seemed nice but not without flaws. On the other hand, caring, righteous and optimistic would describe his girlfriend. She knew his weaknesses. But she was not going to let him live with his flaws and mistakes. One day he made the same mistake he did and she caught him right at it. She didn't overlook it silently. She directly approached him and firmly told him what he did was wrong. Just that. He got ashamed and denied. Then she changed back to her caring self and loved him like it had never happened.

I assume she was not naive enough to believe in his lie. And I am sure there were many ways she could have looked away from his wrongdoing. But she didn't. There would be enough reasons for her to throw a tantrum at the situation. She gave no long lecture or criticism. It was just straight to the point. But I am sure that, if he ever learnt from the mistake, it would not be because of the lesson. It would not be because of the consequence. It would not be because of the shame. It would not be because of a sense of righteousness surging inside his mind. It would only be one thing. It would only be her beautiful heart. Isn't that the essense of goodness? Don't get me wrong. I am not saying her kindness to him was worthless. She could have never spoken a word about his flaws and simply be kind to him. I believe that would be what a lot of us want others to do to us. That is why we do not learn to be rid of our wrongdoings. At the end the only thing that caught my eye was the goodness in such person. Really, caring and optimistic character shines like a bright star. It fits only to a good, righteous heart. I am like the male highschooler in the cartoon who did wrong, denied and didn't live in peace with himself. And "learning from past experience" wasn't good enough for him to get out of his flaws. Because, he never learnt from a good experience. I don't know about you. I only learnt from bad experiences, like being scolded, losing what's important, and feeling ashamed. But she turned everything into a good learning experience. When he came to the verge of doing wrong again, he would recall there was such faith, hope and love on him. There he would not set his eyes on anything else.

Suddenly I recognized such goodness personally close to me. Here I am concluding my entry. Off I go to ponder some more on it.

孤獨

除了兩次出門找吃的之外，整天都把自己困在家中。
正確一點來說，因為假日渴睡症的原故，大部份時間都在睡床上渡過。屈指一算，睡醒的時間才不過八、九個小時，現在又開始渴睡了。
＂的＂起心肝的結果，就是找到一份頗理想的posting和在網上學習如何管理視窗伺服器2003。
對上一次寫覆歷經已是數年前的事。此刻覺得難以入手。昨晚看過一點兒資料，明天繼續。希望能夠在來週起到個稿。
慶幸Hallmark Channel今晚播The March of Penguins。忍不住看那些可愛又可憐的企鵝如何在大自然中掙扎求存。一般而言，電視不是我的良伴。
可是在孤獨的時候，人總想去找樂子。此刻卻同時是試驗自己的時機。我沒有放棄在失落中尋找，雖然仍歸於失落。還好，已到了一晚的尾聲，盼望在夢中真尋著祢。又因為掛念，我害怕睡不著。默默看著那個放在口邊、夠三天吃的的大餅，勸勸自己要帶一點微笑啊。

What's better?

What's even better than something "definitely awesome"?

The answer is different to each of us. While it's okay to have our own dreams, fulfilling it though may make us lose focus on what may not be as seemingly lovable but in essence far more important. In reprospect, I should lean more on my ego and superego and less on my id. What does that mean in words one can understand? I should train myself to strengthen my memory on past events and stories from which I have learnt lessons from. Why, because I am good at concluding lessons to learn from each incident but am poor at recalling these lessons when they are needed. I don't know about you but I associate my failure to reshape myself with my inability to remember these lessons to begin with. And I presume the most effective way to recall them at the right time is by putting more efforts in memorizing the events and stories which have given me these lessons. Do all these sound like making a big fuzz out of nothing to you? Oh well, that's me, the person who believes in the integral links between thoughts to actions. Think of it as an EQ improvement project, if you like.

Back to the original question. For me, the answer lies in tonight's The World of Narue.

PS. Just found out the producer of the anime series was 芦田豊雄, who also produced 魔神英雄伝ワタル many years back. No wonder I just fell for the series when I first watched it.

25 for $25 - Campagne Restaurant

What's better than being picked up from home, treated dinner at a really nice restaurant, and sent home afterwards? The puff cake was a great sensation and the duck leg was plainly delicious. It wouldn't have been cheap if not because of the annual Twenty-five for $25 Dine Around Seattle.

There are a couple of Japanese restaurants that I want to try before year-end.

• Izumi
• Musashi's

Where to dine in Seattle?

If you are bored with the restaurants you frequently visit, take a look at the restaurant reviews at tastingmenu.com. That should keep you from scratching your head for quite a while.

"Would my notebook computer explode?"

Really, would it?

Via pcpitstop.com

I'm back

There are many things that went through my mind over the last few days. Only if I have the time to hold these passing thoughts and put them down... regardless, as I am changed by these insights. As much as I want to, I doubt I could describe them with my limited set of vocabulary.

Here's what I can still share with you: I am back. Along with the grumpy person in me. Oh, and the hateful one, the selfish one, the degenerating one--an army of them not much different from Snow White's seven dwarfs. News? At least not for me. They have been hanging around my side over all these years, most of the time being unnoticed, but always here. They who I hated so much are never any farther from me, or should I say the me in me. Where is the change then? The bottomline is I don't want to jinx it. For now, let's just say it is like beams from daybreak. Unchanged is the inanimated--dancing are rising colors over which is lit.

忙極

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