世界中心

不能為自己感恩的時候
也可以試著為他人感恩
因為世界的中心
一開始就不在這兒
不然只會跌入自我的黑洞
直至骨頭都枯乾
(當然這樣說已經夠自我了)

Before words of thanks

Before I start a new day of a new life.
Before I rejoice in the happiness of the union of love.
Before I show my gratitude and say my thanks.
May I search my heart and remain silent.
May I be reminded of Your love and Your righteousness.
May I devote our marriage to You.
Shall I always thank in my heart for the love of those who loved us.
Shall I always seek You and Your Way before ours.
Shall I always submit myself to You and she whom You set up as my wife.

May we pray that we will always stick close to You so we will always live joyfully in dignity in You.

Morality in Our Heart

There is a new TV commercial on air in HK. The HK gov created a pretty stylish ad against tolerance towards corruption at workplace. The first question I would have, as the finger pointer, is whether I would be affected by it. Then I recalled Bill Clinton's sex scandal and how it was played down publicly. Now no one cares if it has ever happened.
With those thoughts I came to a conclusion that any person would--our hearts decay along with our tolerance to evil. I could have avoided the E word. Yet, I would then be tolerating sin out self-pity-ness. I suppose some do not think of anything wrong between Clinton and Monica, for they do not put value on fidelity. Convenience and satisfaction of flesh are far more meaningful to them. In a global trend towards higher degree of freedom and sensational satisfaction, morality is determined to be kicked out of homes, schools and workplaces. Once it was the crux of the constitution, now it's a word that is forbidden in our daily lives. We live in an era in which efficiency weights over personality. When we talk about work ethics, it's only about tolerance towards all kinds of preferential differences. As a society, we have at will given away our responsibilities to steward within ourselves, for ever higher gratification and less guilt among others. I then recall in Genesis how Cain killed his brother Abel over jealousy. When the Lord asked Cain where his brother went, Cain lied. The all-knowing Lord spoke that the land had complained to Him of the blood it received of Abel. It uncovered the murder to the Lord. During our lifetime, we just go along with the injustice of the age, go on with our personal gratification and let alone the cry of the innocent and the righteous. Until the day the Lord comes find us.

Knocked off course

I really don't like to take on this new task. Yet there's no one else around to take it over. I had plans that I can no longer go with because of that. How discouraging. I guess I am mean in a sense that whenever it comes to things that disrupt my personal schedule, I get really frustrated and reluctant about it. I would keep on mentally picturing the troubles doing so and longing for ways to escape from the responsibility. After all, I haven't gone to CBP for a couple of months already. And out of all days in the week I can probably only go there tomorrow. Now I can no longer... sigh...

The positive side of me tries to intervene. I am advised that it would be a good time to get to make a new friend. The will to stay positive on this is admittedly weak. I hope the mood for the rest of the day isn't going to be completely spoiled. It took so much to get myself in a good mood after all...

can't fall asleep

Revelation 21:4 神要擦去他們一切的眼淚；不再有死亡，也不再有悲哀、哭號、疼痛，因為以前的事都過去了。

May I set my hope in Your promise.

Right here waiting no more

If the thoughts of missing a person... are so strong that my faith in You becomes undermined -- it might sound so romantic yet it is not true love. Only when I do everything in Your name I would be worth what You have given to me. Yet I would never be worth what You have given to me... because You died for me when I was still enjoying myself in my many transgressions... If my faith is undermined... what kind of love is left in me? I miss so much that it hurts in my heart... but ain't I a selfish person? There are times my mind wonders far away... I have wondered before how the knowledge of Christ protects me when I am asleep. Frankly, knowledge opens the door to Christ... yet one has to walk into the door and emerge himself in it. Having the knowledge and knowing it as the Truth are two completely different matters. He who has little faith... could very well turn out to be a lazy, selfish person. Yet Your providence is abundant, even to someone like him. Why else You place angels around him? He who is selfish shall pray more. I very much liked the sermon Ms Yip gave last weekend at my church... the teachings were direct like that from a father. The difference is the message she gave was one from the Bible. It's not merely human teaching. Direct yet unselfish. He who is selfish must now know that You have guided him with both a whip and open arms. He who just suffers from his own heartache must realize that there is greater strength in one because of faith. And when he promised to be good, there is only one way-- to heed to the words of You. We who believe in Your strength, turn our thoughts into power through which love can be manifested. No more waiting, ye all.

不求自己的益處

做得好就是好，做得不好就是不好。
怎麼一廂情願然後監人乃後？
單單，你真不像樣！
懂收放，才對人有益！

不求自己的益處，知道嘛！

In a pool of mud

When it comes to dealing with struggles, it is imperative to tell the difference between faith and greed. A person with faith is optimistic in the presence of struggles because he believes in a greater power of goodness that will ultimately triumph. A greedy person however puts himself in a bubble in the name of faith to hide away from consequences he has created for himself.

Where's the watershed in between the two? It is true that obstacles bring us to our knees, praying for help, and make us realize how powerless we intrinsically are. I admit to be one of those who struggle over obstacles. The realization of our powerlessness is crucial in the search of our spirituality. It highlights our need for external help. It also highlights our desire to mitigate sufferings, may they be self-inflicted or imposed, legitimate or baseless, avoidable or destined. Sin entered the world, and matters since then have become so complicated so quickly that rationalizing sufferings becomes a nearly impossible task. So many things have gone wrong that we find no escape from hurts and sufferings. The opposite to taking the collective blame is denying it to the fullest extent. Today's culture makes us efficent engines of self-liberation, from blames and even our own responsibilities and guilts. The thoughts of the whole generation have become marginalized to accept that personal happiness equals goodness and have been happily doing so. Haven't we been happy doing so when we look away from all problems and please ourselves with goodies? We try very hard to be happy and marginally feel so but knowing full well deep inside ourselves that sufferings didn't go away. Guilts didn't go away no matter how deep we emerge ourselves in the pool of pleasures. The promise of salvation is absolutely appealing to ears of those who run away from their sufferings, with guilts or not. If one's sole intent is to look away from his transgressions, let him bait himself with the sight of an easy exit which he will one day find to be a curse. The powerful Gospel of Salvation seems easy only to those who want nothing but to take advantage of it.

Neither lose heart nor be confused, however. The Gospel is indeed the way to true freedom from sin and its suffocating guilts. It is the only way to true life we have been given. When we take that step to wear like a believer, walk like a believer, act like a believer, are we putting our trust in truth or simply reaping from the great promise? We are already told that in the midst of needy, vulnerable sheep hide wolves that intend nothing but to kill and feed themselves. But the day will come that they will be judged by a powerful fist. Isn't fear an interesting character in this scene? When the sherperd calls his sheep, good sheep answer to his voice out of love and strayed sheep answer to it out of fear. I don't think wolves have no fear. But they fear their sufferings more than the price they will have to pay. They hear not the sherperd's calls of both judgement and love.

Even in fear, some strayed sheep wonder around on their own. That's why there are fences to warn them of the chance of losing themselves in guilts on the outside. The self-righteous thoughts in one's mind blind himself of the warning signs and shut his ears off the sherperd's calls. The fences mean nothing to him. He is too "smart" for them. I have been a strayed sheep for a long while and I feel I am still one today. But there is hope, as a part of me wants to do right and I still faintly hear the shepherd's call. Help me come forth to you, dear Jesus.

Pick me up

Anxiety got the better of me. I had to take a stroll in the park to unwind. It has been a while since I go outdoor to enjoy the greens and singing birds. The city drained me. The open view of the water and mountains didn't set me free. I was encaged in a housing unit neighboring a high-rise building. I could literally see what's going on inside the offices and the cubicles, and what's on the desks. I was further saddened by my selfish desire and my lack of trust in the Lord and His helping hand. After all, I was saddened because of the trouble we are going through all due to my fault. I dragged myself from one place to another. The selfish engine did a good job in protecting me from wondering into the abyss of self-condemns. Part of me didn't let go and told me I had to go on. I had to find my way back to peace. I knew only one place I could find it--in His comforting palm. Into my sight came a book fair. A book drew my attention--Jewish businessmen. Its cover attempted to convey that they were successful businessmen. Presumerably they had their own special way to deal with others. And the one thing I knew they were special for was their perception of eternity. Yes, eternity. "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." --Ecclesiastes 3:11. I am not at my end. I shall wither or I shall not, God will set His time. At the end of the tunnel, He will be there. I can put aside my negative feelings till that day. Meanwhile, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." commands 1 Peter 5:7.

I believe: the deeper the hole in one's heart, the bigger God's grace is in one's life. You are listening. Let me look no other way but open my heart to Your grace.

本相

「所以，你們要脫去一切的污穢和盈餘的邪惡，存溫柔的心領受那所栽種的道，就是能救你們靈魂的道。只是你們要行道，不要單單聽道，自己欺哄自己。因為聽道而不行道的，就像人對著鏡子看自己本來的面目，看見，走後，隨即忘了他的相貌如何。惟有詳細察看那全備、使人自由之律法的，並且時常如此，這人既不是聽了就忘，乃是實在行出來，就在他所行的事上必然得福。」（雅1:21-25）

活在氣泡裡

中午時分，落樓買個包。沿途的一所服裝店在櫥窗的一角擺放著牌子，上面寫著："Cute as Hell"。開導自己，這只是玩世不恭者的"figure of speech"。以前有這樣的事，現今也有，有甚麼奇怪了。奇怪的就是，現今有誰認為可愛可以像地獄那般。又有誰對這樣的說話敏感呢？換個角度說，「放任和自我」不就是個人主義的王牌嗎？

有誰介意Hell是一個很好玩的地方還是地獄？Cute等同可愛還是寵愛自己的感覺？當我認為"these are just words"的時候，我覺得怎樣過癮就怎樣說的時候，"Cute as Hell"有何不對？與你有舍相干？你曾到地獄走了一趟嗎？你就算是語文教授，甚至諾貝爾文學奬得主，也沒有資格對我說三道四。

這樣的人，可以一世生活在氣泡裡，又或者生活在志同道合的群體當中。那不就容易了？反正地球對他們來說可能也不過是個大氣泡而矣。只怕有天，天使跟他提到地獄，他還以為去可愛的地方好好遊玩呢。

He provided

He provided
much to me
It's not that I deserve any

One might say this happens to one and that happens to another
so why bother giving thanks

One might say
"Show Him to me
Let me hear His voice
Let me touch Him
and I'd believe"

Frankly my eyes didn't see Him
my ears didn't hear Him
my hands didn't touch Him
My rational mind didn't draw me any nearer to Him from the distant conclusion that there has to be a Designer

Yet He knocked on my door
I didn't see through the peephole how He looked like
I didn't hear a noise but the knock on the door
I didn't touch nothing and
I couldn't even tell who's on the other side

It's not me who found Him
He came and knocked on my door
Maybe deep in our hearts
there's always a path
that leads Him to us

I claim not I did anything worthy
Take Jesus from me and watch
I would become nothing

Today
I didn't do anything worthy for
what He provided

Thanks for He provided
And most important of all
is Him among us

Praise Him

安穩的風

一‧三‧八
大家喜歡的數字

浣熊走在街上
這個躱開　那個閃避
有誰願與我做朋友

下車的人
趕緊打開雨傘
只想避開雨水
卻遺失了甚麼　哪裡找

找到的話　找不到的話
在雨中　在我眼中
只有安穩的風
對我說
不會丟棄我

A beautiful day

Cozy
warm
with design and taste
my own place

A curtain
covering the murky sky
The half-open window
sending an invitation
to the little ones descending from above

We see no sorrow
we see no pain
in our own little world
aware not of any rain

What's happening outside
What's a beautiful day
Are we hiding from the glory
Or is it hiding in the gray

ybbr oyok

mnr ibpp amyo p l hapi mk cmfj uu nn bbp nd
iknf tjka tmd ypmm o tmd ypmm jlln pqmb
tjka sevif hoami tod oihe mf wp
yymr oini hqi hqo gi nn mylm fbrlb hapi fqln vihml ibpp ks
ybbr oyok hapi phqm dher
ene kb nnmbc hhw yihu ryo hapi agdi ana gi wp jkys
vfok ihs ybbr csh hapi ord yrtoe
ihs iknf nn hqo hohkn hapi anvit cnkq

難

昨晚為著友人的事
今天兩度為著別的事
難過

話早就沒啥新意
這當常常喜樂的人心裡想
這條由A點至B點的路該如何走
當跟祂走這話
我也用來提醒自己
要改動思想回路
叫做每一件以先
WWJD
會否來得太抽象呢
怎麼總是做不來

問題在於這個當字
為何它永遠這麼不中聽
在我這個不中用的腦袋中
每天不斷重複地努力
卻每天不斷重複地忘卻
這個當字
叫我莫想在何任事上自誇
我為甚麼不斷反抗它
但正因為我反抗它
又更是願意擁抱它
這個我跟那個我
一直未能達成共識
一個我做事但求隨心
另一個我像鏡子裡的自己
又像走在背後的錄影機
何時把心放進去
何時就認真地去做
可是剛睡醒時
半夢半醒時
那顆心不見影兒
每天要尋找那顆願當的心
是何等的難
多麼多麼想做好
我想一定是有甚麼地方做錯了

不惜明天的太陽

寒冷的日子裡，被鬧鐘喚醒。在暖暖的被窩中，祂叫醒了我的心，身子卻賴著不從。
醒了的我知道當好好利用時間。正和這段歌詞不謀而合：

"不惜明天的太陽，因明天或許陰暗"

當知道耶和華是賜生命的主。受造之民，當好好利用自己手上的時間。所以，身子你要起來。雙手也不要只顧寫blog。

The Dangers of Half Faith

Knowing while not working towards the highest priority makes you either a hypocrite or a stray person (probably both).

* * *

Believing in someone but not the testimonies through which you know about him means one of the three things:

1. You have personally met him and you know that the testimonies are off the mark; or
2. You have not personally met him. Who you believe in has got no testimony. Rather he is a fragment of your imagination, like Peter Pan; or
3. You pick and choose what you believe. You listen to only what you like to hear.

None of us on earth is perfect. May mercy and blessings come to those who seek the truth.

不貧窮也不富足

我求你兩件事，在我未死之先，不要不賜給我：求你使虛假和謊言遠離我；使我也不貧窮也不富足；賜給我需用的飲食，恐怕我飽足不認你，說：耶和華是誰呢？又恐怕我貧窮就偷竊，以致褻瀆我神的名。 (箴言30:7-9)

永不落空

無論甚麼困難，都要勇敢面對。因為基督耶穌的話，永不會落空。我們既然口裡承認祂作我們的主，心裡便當滿有信心去走面前的道路。我們親身經歷了祂的恩典，確認祂揀選了我們，要我們得生，並要在世上作鹽作光，活出豐盛的生命。祂以自己慈愛的手撫平我們的創傷，原諒了我們信祂的人的過犯。這並不等於我們不用承受過犯在地上的結果。我們信祂的，沒有一件事可以在祂面前誇口的。過犯的結果，我們是當得的。同時，我們在祂的道裡面漸漸順服扎根。從前的我不完全明白，現在卻明白了：最要緊的，就是我們做每一件事，都當照著祂的真理。祂是愛我們的。若祂願意額外開恩予我們，給予我們更美好的事，我就更是要好好守住祂吩咐我們的道。在此訓勉自己，也衷心向天父感恩。