Off balance

Something is being weird in me. I feel that I am swung off balance. I notice myself trying hard to run from one end of the beam to the other end, yet I find myself next moment at the original spot.

Up moments were aplenty these days. Many decisions we made and we better worked with and understood one another than ever before.
Not sure why but something in me has not been comforted. A flint looked for water to crunch its thirst, yet to no avail. It gradually lit up the dry grass nearby and turned itself into a blaze, with its crawls and fangs reaching for things to devour. The smoke of the flame came into my sight. I wonder if others have noticed the fire well before I did. Yet I was the only one there to do something about it. With all my might, I drew water from wells and carried as much as I could to put it off. It appeared to retreat sometimes but it never extinguished. Now I come face-to-face to it: This is a monster that is not what I can handle by myself. Its vulgar and relentless look resembles that of a devil. Its fists are ready for a duel at any moment. Its lips are taunting with inaudible words. I have been trying hard to tell myself not to marginalize part of self because I believed it would lead to nothing but bi-polar behaviors. It does seem now that there is something in myself that I have to fight against. I didn't realize but now I know the face of the enemy that has already been hiding in my heart. And I know why I trust in You. Even the inferno that no one cares or dares to come near, Your hand reaches into. I hear the evil laughter lurking in the darkness and I also know there is the Light that will take me back into safety. If one cannot hear such deafening cries, I doubt if he would look for the Light.
Off balance I am. Yet a helping hand has come to rescue and made itself my footing. I realize how fragile I am when I go out to the fields alone. I'd call your name only when I run into trouble. Yet like a sheep which has not been tamed, I seldom listen to your voice. There's a part of me who's always disobedient and only when realizing my transgressions would he subdue himself. You know what I have done against you and also the sufferings of the present. Nothing more I want to write down, not a prayer for help, not a praise, not how much I am confident in you, but just one thing--Your helping hand will reach into the darkness for me.
And when you come for me would you also please show me how I may witness to the world what you did in me?

Higher ground

Isn't it fair to give up what I don't deserve?
Isn't it just to condemn myself with guilt?
Isn't it noble to back off from achievements that bring on self-importance?
Isn't it shameful to give thanks for Your grace from a mouth with little faith?

Yet they aren't. Not because they are wrong, but because Your way is higher than mine. There is a higher ground that I don't deserve to go to but has to do so. There is a force that turns even what is meant to be evil into goodness. There is love that overcomes the fear of self-importance. And there is grace that reaches even the least faithful. Your grace are the most loving. Yet it is more judging than any law we've known, for it brightens up the darkness in my heart. Isn't it true that I may live above laws? Yet Your loving whip humbles me down on my knees. Worship that glorifies Your name is the only thing I am called for with my life.

感恩

才在禱告中祈求一個機會聽聽做得不好的地方。祢立刻成就了。
才在禱告中祈求一個改進自己的實際目標，祢立刻成全了。

既知錯盼能改。
多謝祢

Deadline tmr

More accurately, the deadline is tonight.

The timing couldn't have been better. My ISP (Internet Service Provider) failed me the first time ever this afternoon. I tried various means to revive the Internet connection but in vain. 1.5 hours were wasted. I had no choice but to go outside so to continue my work.

My heart is racing. I was furious... and even is now. But I wanna walk with Him. How may I walk with Him like this?

The deadline is closing in. Yet I don't wanna lose my focus I have on You. Please give me wisdom. And please calm me down.

I care

If there is one thing I should write down, I do not want to do it to impress. I announce that I only care about one important being.




LORD, I have faith that YOU will be there for me when I search for the right path to deal with this. I cannot see YOU with my eyes but I already have confidence that YOU will grant me my wishes because of YOUR LOVE. I desire for this great blessing of a being YOU granted me because I care. Still, there is no one I want to impress more than YOU. There is no point in showing YOU my good foot or hiding the bad. I would rather show YOU all my weaknesses and sins in my doings and thoughts. There lies many sharp edges in me. It has already been exhausting to fight against just one of them. I am not sure how I can deal with so many more. Yet YOUR GRACE proves YOUR great name EMMANUEL. As a sinner YOU saved I proclaim YOUR NAME. And YOU said YOU will not forsake who truly seeks YOU. No matter what happens, my heart must rejoice in YOUR NAME. THANK YOU JESUS. No matter what. Time will tell.