Breakdown--thoughts from the lunatic

This is another crazy post I write to myself. As always my crazy posts allow those who truly loves and cares about this person to peek into his crazy mind. They are not for those who are just curious or interested in learning what another person thinks deep in his mind. I call the latter kind of people exploiters.


Sit tight. The journey starts right now...

The book "How to deal with emotionally explosive people" I grabbed off my sister's bookshelf says:

Though irrational, emotional explosions still have a logic of their own. They are usually attempts to get something--relief, safety, or perhaps revenge.

In my case, it was none of those that I was trying to get, through relief would be something nice to have. Can I make sure it is not some form of self-manipulation to submit myself to guilts? The only thing I am sure of is the need for Holy Spirit to deliver me from shame and transgressions. No matter how many times feeling guilty won't help me get over them. One may choose to ignore these overwhelming thoughts but it's not in any mortal's blood the ability to save himself from them. Here I can only conjure up all my faith to wait for His deliverance.

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Another part of me says there must be a good number of people freaking out when hearing the word "breakdown". It would be instantly linked to other words like "dysfunctional", "high maintenance", "unstable" and "loser". That part of my mind would believe that such kind of people, assuming they exist, would only create an image of how successful they are in front of the others and would not publicly admit their own flaws. It is such a strong urge to break up the tie with such kind of people (assuming they exist). I hope I never presumptously draw any impressions on others. I hope that I won't label them no matter how much they would act just like that, because the moment I label them, hatred and sin would have already entered my blood and soul. The guilt of wrongful assumption is already with me, so I am just one step away from becoming exactly those people I dislike.

Jesus let us live in the world so I don't think severing human ties is the best thing to do. His peace is not like peace of any other kind from this world. Only with His Holy Spirit may we keep our minds and hands clean (and sane). I shall constantly remind myself to keep my words few and wait for His deliverance in faith.

BTW, I don't think exposing one's own thoughts and therefore weaknesses is necessarily a bad thing to do. While exploiters may take advantage of me, I must openly discuss these issues with myself to come to a new understanding. The fact that the others couldn't find anything despicable in the life of Daniel (see the book of Daniel) suggests to me that there is hope to live a completely godly life. And I don't believe we can reach that point without dissecting our thoughts and to have an adventure along with God's Word into the richness of our minds. Friends, may I request your prayers to help me come to convergence with the Word of God. Amen.