5 years

Today I hit the 5-year mark working for my current employer. It's also the 5-year mark for my living in this place. It seems that things have turned for the better. But at the same time, I am kind of lost whenever I look back at the period. It was not very long but there were many turning points to me. There were many things that I wish didn't happen. But then it seems that I have come through those obstacles. I didn't do so with my strength. No, not once. Rather, I am grateful that my Heavenly Father has always been near. His love, grace and promises gave me hope whenever I seeked Him. Time endured the situation for me. I wished to repent for my transgressions. It seemed that I continued to live selfishly while always calling out to the One who forgives. Was it always the trick I fell for? How would you call this thing in my ego that I just wouldn't let go, this tendency to let loose and fall off?

Did I get any closer to You after these times at all? I know You hear my voice.

Some claim that the past helps shaped a person into who s/he is. I definitely agree with that claim. But I do not know if it helped me in my case. I do not think it did. Sadly, it would be futile to find a way to go back in time to the old days when I was a kid. If I have been raised differently, if I have gone to a different school, still I might end up being the same person. Who knows? Everyone knows there is no point in asking what-ifs. Maybe, just maybe, the past has "helped" me after all? It's only logical to stop pondering questions that we can never answer. Instead, let's get a stack of paper and bottles of ink and draw better pictures for our own story, shall we? And this time, grab onto His hand for real--you can't truly live without.